A mental game

I survived my exam preparation and the actual exam, but I feel like it has taken a big chunk out of me.

I always feel like I don’t do enough for my studies and in preparation of the exam and this time round it was especially bad, since I always feel like I don’t give the attention to The Girl she deserves.

So I feel in a bit of a spiral of:

  • work
  • spend quality time with The Girl
  • get enough sleep
  • cook/eat healthy, prep food
  • workout
  • study
  • spend time with friends
  • make sure my flat doesn’t look like a dump
  • and other things adults do

All of this wants my attention and tries to takes time out of my day and then somehow I just have to realise that’s how things are and that a day has only 24 hours.

I can always try to do my best, but I have to make sure that striving to get everything done at a level I want to do it is not possible. I have to prioritise otherwise I’ll run myself into the ground.

Needless to say that while I was studying for my exam, this was my top priority and I didn’t workout or even remotely eat well.

I think when you have a sweet dessert with every meal, you are having a problem. Even my breakfast had a sweet dessert today, and then lunch and so will dinner.

I think my willpower is completely exhausted at the moment, I just need to let everything go for a bit right now. Clawing myself towards next Wednesday when I go on holiday for a week.

I don’t know how to conclude this post, I don’t know what will happen until my holidays, during my holidays or after. I hope I will be a bit more relaxed and the burden of having to studying will be taken off until October and all I can hope for is to come back and feeling refreshed with new willpower.

04:49 pm, by bianca-body-and-mind 6  |  Comments
Bianca [personal]

It’s study time again.
My exam is an Tuesday and I haven’t done much in regards to revision.

I have a work lunch today, but I’ll drop out off it in favour to studying, as I’m on holiday anyway.

I don’t know why, but with every year I’m doing this studying thing and sitting the exam the more nervous/anxious I get about it. I used to be totally cool with these things, by now I have to active try and calm myself down.

I already had a cup of cold mulled wine, can’t be bothered to heat it up, found and ate some of the little chocolate in my house and did a session of Calm (meditation).
I don’t have any illusions, so I’ll drink any alcohol and eat anything remotely looking like chocolate I have in the house. She said pouring herself a whiskey. It’s nearly 12 o’clock, so that’s fine, right? Right!

  11:58 am, by bianca-body-and-mind 6  |  Comments

Score this under how not to eat.

Apparently two big slices of white toast, with butter and jam and a chocolate twist isn’t a good breakfast. Who would have thought…

Well and yesterday (Sunday) was a total disaster two. Can you guess which days I’ve been eating out?!

So it looks like have to make some smarter choices when it comes to eating/drinking out.

10:27 am, by bianca-body-and-mind 3  |  Comments

That’s the way forward… Eating chicken leg while having a bubble bath.

Recently I often say being an adult sucks, in this case not so much.

  08:18 pm, by bianca-body-and-mind 6  |  Comments

Things are going pretty well at the moment.

I mostly stick to going to the gym when the girl in on early shift and take my bike all the other days.

Also I’m tracking my food and just the act of tracking it make me think ahead and I might not stuff my face with sweets when I know there is a big dinner ahead.

So yesterday I want to the gym in the morning and meet up with the Girl, her mum and two friends in the evening. We wanted to go to the bar of a new hotel in town. We already went there last weekend and it was really nice, small and relaxing. Yesterday, upon arrival we were asked if we were on the Guest List for their Launch Party?! The Girl somehow managed to talk us in. Free food and open bar is all I’m gonna say. We left well nourished and a little tipsy.

This morning I took the bike again :)

03:58 pm, by bianca-body-and-mind 4  |  Comments
Bianca [Motel One]

Yesterday was a good food and exercise day.

I was really good on the food front. Not getting even close to my goal of 1500 net, in fact not even hitting the 1300 of food intake. Although I’m not sure not hitting these numbers is actually a good thing. I should probably work on constantly taking in 1400-1500 at least.
I think just from tracking my food for a week I can already say that on normal days I struggle to eat enough through actually eating homemade, healthy food and at the weekend I just go overboard with eating out or takeaways. I’m sure it all evens out somehow, but I should try and keep the eating out and take always at bay.

There has also been gym action yesterday. Tomorrow I’ll start using the bar (20kg) for most exercises again, but a curl bar for overhead presses. It’s a bit if a woohoooo moment right there.

12:21 pm, by bianca-body-and-mind 7  |  Comments

Phew, that was a very eventful weekend.

On Friday we had a date night and went down to the beach/sea front to have a BBQ. Let’s just say we miserably failed. We were a bit to impatient and the wind was pretty blowing and our food literally burned on the BBQ. Oops! It was still a nice sunset and a nice night. We ended up just eating our salad.

On Saturday we finally got our rings. It’s just so exciting. I absolutely love them. My one, is the one without a stone :)

So Sunday, I went and cleaned the chain and gears of my bike. It has been making weird clacking noises, so I though I might be able to solve it by cleaning and oiling it back up. It helped partially, there is still some clacking when I put lots of pressure on the pedal. We’ll see how that develops, if it gets worse again it’ll have to go for some maintenance.

And I ate way to much over the weekend. But psst ;)

07:09 am, by bianca-body-and-mind 6  |  Comments

Tracking my food yesterday was a success. I’m trying to eat 1500kcal net a day. Let’s just say I had to make an effort to get to 1200kcal net. That might explain something I guess.

Also my breakfast and lunch both were very lovely today.

And a gym pic. That was the third time I went to the gym in a bit over a week. I want to make it 3 times in a week, and cycle to work at least 2 times. That’s the plan at least.

I also decided to take it easy and work on form first at the gym. However that doesn’t mean I won’t break a sweat, in fact I was drenched after my workout. That’s what I did.

5min Cross trainer warm up (level 5)
Dynamic Stretches and mobility

Circle of 1 Set just the Bar (ca. 1kg) then 2 Sets of Bar + 15kg, 10 Reps each
(3min rest between circles):

  • Squat 
  • Overhead Press
  • Barbell Row
  • Dead Lift
  • Bench Press

3x 12 Prep Back Extension at 34kg

5min Row (1030m) - since I had some time

Stretches to cool down.

One thing I’ve found as I’m just starting over. I use the weights and bars they use for the Body Pump classes. This has the advantage that the Bar is super light and you can start on a very low weight and really work it up. The bars are also shorter so you don’t sling around if you lose your balance.

And now back to the though of the weekend being so close :)

04:32 pm, by bianca-body-and-mind 10  |  Comments

(Re-)Learning control and patience

So I have been on and off here for the last few months.

I think this is mostly down to the fact that I don’t really have anything health and fitness related to say. I’m stuck at the point where I’m going from losing weight to maintaining it and from being single to being a fiancee. I touched this topic in one of my earlier posts where we try to find a new normal. So it’s all pretty new.

So recently I have just been gaining some weight back, not too bad, but whenever I see these 70kg on the scale again, I promise myself that I have to do something, this lasts for a bit and then I go back to being “lazy”. Although when think about it my definition of being lazy has been changed a lot over the past years that I’m on this journey. By now I can probably say I eat more homemade food then I don’t. I’m very aware of what I put into my body and what it does to me and still I seem to be stalled by all the options and the lack of willpower(?). I’m adding a question mark here as I don’t know if it is purely a lack of willpower or just a natural reaction of my body.

Over the last years I have read and tried so many things about nutrition/eating (what, whenand who much to eat) and exercise in the same way (a million and one exercise plan). And now suddenly I seem to be stalled by all the choice and knowledge.

I had a long discussion about all that and the dissatisfaction that comes with being stalled and feeling lazy with The Girl last night. Sometimes it is just good to get some perspective and someone else’s input.
The result of this discussion for me is to do the things I know worked for me.

So lets see what these things are:

  • Take Progress pictures, measures (weight, body parts)
  • Cook your own food. I really like the idea of Paleo using real foods, but I don’t what to obsess over it. I want to eat my natural yogurt with fresh/frozen fruit. Yeah, soy sauce isn’t 100% Paleo, I use a spoon full of it, so what gives?! I think you get the drift. However I still don’t like to eat bread or pasta etc., it bloats me so bad.
  • If you don’t lose weight or your body composition doesn’t change track your in- and outputs. When I did that I could very much control how much I ate. I know when my body had enough or to little, not when my brain was satisfied.
  • Track your workouts. So you can see if you are improving. The new challenge for me is to forget how much I was able to lift and start on a clean sheet in my head as well and embrace the progress I make now.
  • Finally, it all takes time. Be consistent and patience and you will get where you want to be.
  • That gets me to having a goal. What am I doing this for? I need to lift to prevent getting my back in a stage of pain again and I also have a visual image of myself, how I want to look at some point. I really would like to get rid of this tummy.

So keeping that in mind I’ll try to be patient and take over the control again and I will see positive changes again.

Goal for now, lose 2kg until the 11th of June. That’s when I go back home for a week and get my tattoo finished off. So I weighted 69kg today, that makes 67kg on the 11th as a goal.

Also I start tracking my exercise and food intake again, to get an idea of where I stand with it.

Now breath and be patient!

If you made it to down here, you are my rock start!

03:54 pm, by bianca-body-and-mind 7  |  Comments

Made almond milk and granola last night.
We had a little sneak peak of both last night already and they are delicious. Looking forward to my breakfast in a few minutes.

07:29 am, by bianca-body-and-mind 4  |  Comments